It has been far too long since I last wrote here. While life is the same, some things have changed.
A few weeks ago, I went to CA to get mom. She is staying with us for 6 months, if not longer. I have to find a way to convince her to stay. Living with Mary Ann is to toxic. Mom has less migraines here and seems happier but I know she misses my sister. Those two have a strange bond, one that I will never understand. I guess its more like Satan has a grasp on mom and won't let go without a fight. That grasp keeps her in the dark and living in fear. I am afraid of the damage that it does to her.
While I was in CA, I met Tony, Monica, Estrelita, Renato and Laurie for dinner at Cheesecake Factory. Oh my gosh! It was the best time. Eating and laughing and talking with friends whom I consider family was so wonderful, especially since I haven't made solid friends in SD yet. I know that will take time. But these people of mine are my tether, my siblings. While Maureen was still alive, I clung to that friendship and neglected these. I see now how significant they are to me and how blessed I am to have their voices of reason and their strength behind me.
I have been with GFP for 10 months now and I am so happy there. I am blessed to have been given the chance to work there. I am learning a lot and I work with really good guys. It is the kind of job i had hoped to find out here. Another answered prayer.
Joe and I celebrated our third year of marriage very quietly. He sent me beautiful roses. I flew out the next day to get mom. While learning to live with each other has been difficult, I know Joe loves me and that he is the best man I could ever hope for. He is God's answer to my years of prayer.
I had hoped that we could have a baby together but it doesn't seem to be a part of God's plan, sadly. I even went to a fertility specialist who couldn't promise me anything but gave me hope. I prayed about it A LOT but got no answer. Well, at least not the answer that i wanted. It is now something I am trying to make peace with as I submit to God's will.
I have always been a believer in fate and that all things happen for a reason. I'm writing this tonight just a few hours before I leave for Avera heart hospital. It seems my heart is sick so I am going there to help it get better. I had no idea that I had any health issues until recently when I began to feel pressure on my neck and sternum. What started out as a quick doctor appointment led to a trip to the ER and and EKG that showed troponin was leaking into my blood. This is an indication of a heart attack and heart damage. I still can't wrap my head around that. I feel fine but I know, intuitively that something is wrong. I guess I have known all along for at least a week but I tried to power through it. The cardiologist, Kevin Vaska has assured me that I will be fine once he determines what's going on. All I can do is hope and pray that it will be.
Until next time, when I hope to return with a happier heart...
