Can't Go Home Again?

Recently, I returned to Bellingham for a friend's surprise birthday party. Unfortunately, Joe wasn't able to come with me so this was my first time off the farm and without the farmer in four months. Even though I had lived my whole life without him, it felt weird. More than that, I was pretty nervous about going back.

Being there touched a raw nerve as I realized just how much I miss Bellingham. I miss my friends, family, home, gym and work. I miss the trees, the proximity of stores & coffee shops and the ease of seeing anyone I wanted, any time. I even miss the weather. I had taken all of these for granted while I lived there and that reality hit me hard.

At first, I didn't want to go back to BPD because I was afraid I would want my job back. I also didn't want to meet the woman who was hired to replace me and, truth be told, I was determined to not like her, if I had. (I know, I know.) Thankfully, Christine Paulson forced my hand so I went. Going back was easier than I thought. In some ways, it felt like I had never left. It was great to see everyone again and I walked away from there knowing the new girl will take care of my PD family.

I was really nervous about returning to my gym, JD Elite Fitness. I even had knots in my stomach the night before. But going back couldn't have gone any more smooth. I was able to get in three killer work outs and left feeling good but sore for having gone. In fact, it was gym boss and friend, Danielle Stevenson who made going back so painless. And at the end of my third work out, she reminded me that JD will always be my safe place, my sanctuary. I like that.

I am grateful for time I was able to spend with friends. Whether it was hanging with the Boldens, playing with the Miller kids or lunch, coffee or a movie, that time filled me in a very unexpected way. Between the wedding prep and moving plans, I think I forgot to savor the moments like these. Four months ago, I didn't realize I wouldn't be right down the street from everything I knew. I assumed I could have it all and Joe. I didn't think anything would change, despite the big changes that were occurring. Hello, reality!

This new life really is a brand new chapter for me. That doesn't mean I have to close out the last chapters in order to be here. Instead, it means that when I have the opportunity to go back to WA, CA or wherever people I love are, I have to savor every moment, every visit, every hug.