Mom left us on April 26th. We didn't think it would happen but it did and she is back with Mary Ann. The victim almost always goes back to their abuser, don't they? We've talked a few times and, apparently, she's happy there. I sense something in her voice but I'm not sure if its apprehension in talking with me or in being there. I guess I can't worry about it.
So, it has been over 2 months that she has been gone and I'm just now coming to terms with it. Ugh. Over the weekend, I had a bit of a melt down over various things coming to a head. MY laptop is not working, my fitbit isn't sensing my heart rate- minor things but I blew my lid over it on Sunday and had all but convinced myself that I needed to go back to Peru and live out my life at the orphanage. Hmmm... where did that come from? My counselor, Karlie, helped me understand my need for leaving a legacy, my fear of dying alone and being forgotten. All of that ties back to mom and my feeling of abandonment. Heavy stuff. On top of that, we had a foster cat for a month. She had 4 kittens that I watched grow and became attached to. They had to go back last week because we're headed to Bellingham this Thursday. I felt AWFUL about leaving mama cat there. My feelings of abandonment reared their ugly head and helped bring me to the edge. It was bad.
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