Love Letter to my Husband

The stress of day to day life on a farm can weigh heavy on any man's shoulders. And they do on those of my farmer. He works without thanks in a variety of conditions that range from one extreme to the other. And it is work that can't be put off or avoided. It takes a toll on him. I see it but there is nothing I can do to alleviate it.

But this weekend, he gave us a gift - time away from the farm. For three and a half days. I didn't realize how much we both needed it until we were away. His concern for the farm may not have left him but the weight was a little bit lighter. 

During that time, I saw the twinkle in his eyes that was there when we first met and his look, normally hardened by sun and wind, was softer. His smile was not only seen but also heard and felt. His laugh gives me goose bumps, like a school girl when her crush first notices her. He has a strong but gentle touch; one that tells me he would never hurt me but would remove any threat that came at me. To be close to him is to know true intimacy - where two hearts beat as one, two minds meld. It is a bond that most married people strive to attain and many singles wish for.   

Our time was made up of talks about nothing in particular; of holding hands. exchanging glances, little assuring touches that remind us that we are for each other. Nothing significant or special but much needed to keep our lives intertwined. It was about listening to live music, strolling the streets of Deadwood, visiting family and telling stories of life on the prairie. 

But time is a thief and before I knew it, we were headed back home. Its depressing and sad for me to think about returning to the farm, only because I know what that means for Joe. He is going from sun up to sun down and comes home so tired. And our time together is limited which makes me miss him. This is the life I have been lead to. I love my husband and will do all I can to support him and grow our marriage while quietly longing for more weekends like this one where we didn't have a care in the world and could just be. 


On a side note, during our dating season, Joe would write me poems. They were short and silly but always brought a smile to my face.  On our drive home, to pass the time, Joe asked me to write him a love letter. I haven't yet and struggle to find the words to tell him how much he means to me. Instead, we played Hangman. It was the perfect way to end this trip and leave me with a wonderful memory.

Winds of Change

As of this month,  I've been in South Dakota for seven months. It seems like a lifetime ago when Joe and I got married and I relocated.  I should be used to this place by now but every day is so different from the one before.  People in CA used to say that if you didn't like the weather, give it a minute and it will change.  That seems to be very true in South Dakota.

My home in California was in the desert and there were only two season - mild (winter) and hot (summer).  It was very dry and hot during summer with temps reaching 100s. Even though it was a "dry heat", it was hot! There were few rain showers in the winter.  December gave no guarantee from the heat. I remember several Christmases spent indoors with the A/C going. Everywhere you looked, you saw brown - the hills, the sky, the roads. Flowers and trees gave much needed color but never seemed to last. The one constant were the palm trees. They never changed except in height.

In Washington, winter was cold but a good jacket and warm boots usually got me through it. We never got more snow than we could handle but always enough to enjoy. Yes, it rains there. A lot. But the payoff came in spring when flowers were in bloom from February through October. Everything imaginable comes to life as if with the flip of a switch. Summer was probably the best season, minus about a week's worth of really hot days. Homes didn't usually have A/C as the heat was always tolerable. Ceiling and window fans were enough to get me through the worst days.  Fall was postcard worthy. Autumn colors in Washington rivaled any East Coast town and you could literally watch your garden go to sleep ahead of winter.

From what I've seen so far, SD is very different from either state. 2015's winter was "mild" compared to previous winters which are known for long stretches of sub zero temps and many feet of snow.  Still, it was very cold. Fields had been harvested and turned brown for the season. But there is a very distinct shift when spring hits. As if out of nowhere, grass came back to life and was knee high before my first allergic sneeze. I am amazed at how lush the farm has become in only a matter of weeks. Farm equipment is brought out of storage as farmers prepare for planting. Jack rabbits, coyotes, skunks, badgers and even toads come out of hiding and are busy doing what they do. We've had several lightning storms that are beyond description. I have never seen a lightning bolt crack the sky like they do here. A town 70 miles away can be seen clearly during a storm. Its crazy. Over the past few weeks, though, we've had some really nice days with temps in the 70s. The morning sky is a beautiful blue and the warmth feels like you're sitting outside wrapped up in a favorite blanket. I look forward to more days like these so I can be outside and work in the garden. I know there are more ahead and I'm so ready for them.

Six months down

I think the person who said, “Marriage is easy” has never worked on a project with their spouse. The past few months have been about house projects which are really tests in patience and selflessness.

Since I moved here, the basement has been a catch all for everything from furniture to tools to farm parts. It will be a living space one day but much needs to be done before then. The house was built three years ago and Joe has managed to finish the main floor. He works on the basement in his spare time. Then, I come along and begin to crack the whip on finishing it. Poor guy!

Our most recent task was painting the basement and putting up the ceiling. I couldn’t help with the ceiling but I was very ready to paint. Maybe I’m weird but I like painting. I like the look of freshly painted walls and the feeling of accomplishment once you’re done. Since I had repainted the inside of my Bellingham home, I like to think that I know what I’m doing.

Enter my other half, who also has painting experience doesn't really like to do it. He has his way of painting and I have mine. And the two are very different. Choosing a color wasn’t bad, once we agreed white and dark colors weren’t options. I picked out several color chips that I liked and he chose one. As for the painting, we both tried to be trimmers and rollers, working in our own areas of the basement but found it was less frustrating if he trimmed while I rolled.

The recurring thought I had throughout this experience is based on a comment from my friend, Margot Hird. Marriage is about giving up - my ways of doing things, my selfishness, my ideas of what I want. Its about finding what works for us both and remembering that my life is no longer about me. Having lived on my own for so long, this has been and will likely continue to be a huge struggle. But, in the midst of our head butting, I need to remember that God brought me a man who loves me and I am called to do the same, no matter what.

The good thing about that is there is no rush to figure us out. We’ve got at least 40+ years, God willing.

A Blind Eye

Some days, I wonder why I ended up in South Dakota. I know its because of Joe but I wonder if there is a greater purpose for being here. I am having a hard time understanding this place and the mentality of the people who live here.

A few weeks ago, we ran into Joe's cousin who told us he found a den of baby coyotes on his property. He then told us how he killed each of them and even had a chuckle about it. Just the thought turned my stomach. Residents here are raised to kill vermin like coyote, raccoon, skunk, deer, rabbit, etc. If it disrupts the business then it gets shot. If it eats property, it gets shot. If it crosses the street, it gets shot. I don't understand it.

Tonight, we were at a bar in Cavour. A kid named Justin walked in with a man. It was obvious both had been drinking by the way they staggered in and began to talk to the patrons. Justin tried talking to the man next to me then we struck up a conversation. He couldn't have been 21 yet he was drunk and there to do more drinking while on his way to Huron. Sadly, he was the more sober of the two so he would be driving.

As Joe and I left, I asked if we should let the local sheriff know Justin would be heading to Huron. I was told that it was best to not get involved. The sheriff wasn't called and Justin and friend may or may not make it home tonight.

There is a cultural aspect about this place that I just don't understand. How is it possible that a group of adults can sit around and talk about the latest gossip yet refuse to get involved in an incident regarding the fodder of that gossip? Case in point: during the last snow, a woman put her car into a ditch... several different times. Few stopped to help the woman and get her back on the road yet several talked about it later that morning, about how they saw her or helped get her back on the road. When she crashed her car into someone's gate, the sheriff was finally called out. Why not sooner? Because no one wanted to get involved.

Basically, a kid will get into his truck and drive away drunk and that's his business. And if he gets into an accident? Hurts himself? Kills someone? That will be the topic of discussion at coffee. Period.

I don't understand.

Can't Go Home Again?

Recently, I returned to Bellingham for a friend's surprise birthday party. Unfortunately, Joe wasn't able to come with me so this was my first time off the farm and without the farmer in four months. Even though I had lived my whole life without him, it felt weird. More than that, I was pretty nervous about going back.

Being there touched a raw nerve as I realized just how much I miss Bellingham. I miss my friends, family, home, gym and work. I miss the trees, the proximity of stores & coffee shops and the ease of seeing anyone I wanted, any time. I even miss the weather. I had taken all of these for granted while I lived there and that reality hit me hard.

At first, I didn't want to go back to BPD because I was afraid I would want my job back. I also didn't want to meet the woman who was hired to replace me and, truth be told, I was determined to not like her, if I had. (I know, I know.) Thankfully, Christine Paulson forced my hand so I went. Going back was easier than I thought. In some ways, it felt like I had never left. It was great to see everyone again and I walked away from there knowing the new girl will take care of my PD family.

I was really nervous about returning to my gym, JD Elite Fitness. I even had knots in my stomach the night before. But going back couldn't have gone any more smooth. I was able to get in three killer work outs and left feeling good but sore for having gone. In fact, it was gym boss and friend, Danielle Stevenson who made going back so painless. And at the end of my third work out, she reminded me that JD will always be my safe place, my sanctuary. I like that.

I am grateful for time I was able to spend with friends. Whether it was hanging with the Boldens, playing with the Miller kids or lunch, coffee or a movie, that time filled me in a very unexpected way. Between the wedding prep and moving plans, I think I forgot to savor the moments like these. Four months ago, I didn't realize I wouldn't be right down the street from everything I knew. I assumed I could have it all and Joe. I didn't think anything would change, despite the big changes that were occurring. Hello, reality!

This new life really is a brand new chapter for me. That doesn't mean I have to close out the last chapters in order to be here. Instead, it means that when I have the opportunity to go back to WA, CA or wherever people I love are, I have to savor every moment, every visit, every hug.

SD So Far

Until recently, I've been very fortunate to have experienced mild weather. When I meet new people, (which happens everywhere we go cuz Joe knows everyone), they all ask the same question - "how do you like it here so far?" I usually say I'm adjusting to the cold which always gets a laugh.

I have heard from many people that -20 is common for winter, that this winter has been unusual and that these temps normally last months. Luckily, I have only seen a small handful of below zero days so far but we're expected to get several more over the next week. Maybe I just need to get acclimated but I can't help but wonder how people live here! Joe, for example, gets up every morning at 6 and, regardless of the temps, goes out to feed the cows. When he comes back home, his face is ice cold. His layers keep him fairly warm and protected, thank goodness, but still.

I grew up in southern CA where winter meant a few days of rain and temps in the 70s. If we wanted snow, we went to the mountains. I can even remember really warm Christmases, with temps in the 80s and a/c on full blast.

Moving to Bellingham 15 years ago must have been God's way of preparing me for SD winters. There, I got to experience single digit winters and nor'easter winds. Although I wasn't there for the "silver thaw" of the 90s, I had never lived in such a cold place. Until now.

Thank goodness for REI online!

2 Months In

Well, we made it to #2 and still have a lot to learn about married life.

Now that the farmer is done with harvest, we've been working on projects. The spare bedroom was completed and is ready for guests! The vegetable garden has been cleared out, just in time for freezing weather. We froze about 15lbs of carrots which should last 'til spring. As of today, all of my furniture has been moved into the house from the garage. They're not operational but at least they're inside. Once our new mattress is delivered, we may be sleeping in our room before the new year. I can't believe I'm actually excited at the idea of that. Truth be told, I'm ready to unpack my clothes and put them in my dresser. I'm beyond box surfing.

I came with a limited amount of Christmas decorations but Joe had none. There is so much I would love to do with the house but that will come in time, I hope. We've received some lovely ornaments so I'm hoping we'll have a tree soon.

So far, married life has been surreal and the transition has been fairly smooth. Having never been married before, I didn't know what to expect but it has been seamless. Joe is a solid guy who is as consistent and unpretentious as they come. In many ways, he is the answer to prayers. I just never thought that answer would wear bib overalls and drive a tractor. 

God has a sense of humor, indeed!d